Tabasaurus

In 2011 I graduated from PNCA with my BFA. My first online portfolio/ shop was a Myspace page under the name "Out of Order Art." That name originated in high school with my best friend and I's dream band called: "Out of Order." It was Pop-Punk of course, as was the style at the time. We used to draw a cute green alien with three eyes and signaling antenni (before Wifi, but looked the same). I was going to be the drummer, because her cousin was going to play bass. Obvi. 

 

When I lost her to suicide in 2006, my entire world collapsed. I was so devastated and alone, that every time I laughed I felt a tug at my heart. The tug would say "how can you laugh when she's not here laughing with you? How can you ever love again?" -and I would stop laughing. I saw the pain from everyone that loved her, and I knew that despite my major depression and developing disorders, I could never do that to the people I loved. So... I had to stick around I guess, and I decided I was going to live for both of us.

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Since then, I've tried my best to follow every dream the two of us talked about, and more. My senior thesis project was a performance art show where I sang songs I'd written with my college bandmate. I designed costumes, made music videos, and put on a handful of decent performances, before hanging up my microphone in 2018. I acted in indie movies, & shorts and even had a job as what we could consider an "influencer," today. I was making 5 Youtube videos a week at $25 a pop' about celebrity gossip for a company that, looking back, was ahead of its time. 

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Today, sadly, I am not a billionaire, or even a thousandaire like some of the original influencers. And my videos are (thankfully) no longer available on the internet. However, I am still a content creator. Which feels like a cringey way to say I'm an artist. I believe in self care and therapy. I think mental health resources should be available everywhere for everyone. I firmly believe that if I had a billion dollars I wouldn't fly a dick-rocket into space. Instead I would help as many people as I could, because I know how it feels to be alone, and stuck in a place that sucks sometimes. So, I make art, and jokes, and silly videos to make you laugh, or ugly cry, until we all spin into oblivion together.